What exactly are hormones, anyway?
Monday I was bloated - I felt like I wouldn't fit into the seatbelt. That was awful, but yesterday I got worse - I was irritable, antsy, unsatisfied and generally unhappy. I tried to crush those feelings with many cookies and 7&7's, but alas, I awoke this morning with a full-blown revolution going on inside. [Some may blame the sugar for exacerbating the problem, but I'll defend my friendly chocolate chips to the death.]
There I was , laying in bed all snuggly with my honey and totally ready to scream.
I wasn't even awake!
So, I ask - what are these nefarious things that can take over our lives and generally rewire our whole lives for a few days, leaving a trail of emotional flotsam and jetsam to clean up after they say "Bye! See you next month!"?
Who gave them the power anyway?
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Tuesday, January 9, 2007
What did God tell you to do?
My new hero, Iyanla Vanzant, said God told her to do four things: tell her story, teach His law, write books, and make people laugh. What are you being driven to do?
I once worked with a woman who had struggled against her gift her whole life. It made her very unpopular, she said, even with her family.
What was it?
This woman could cut through BS like no one on the planet. There was no duping her at all. Easy to see how she made people uncomfortable, isn't it? But when we think more globally, people like her are important for society. When we live in our illusions we think we are "greasing the wheels" and making life easier for everyone.
What we are really doing, however, is drawing out an already painful process. Kind of like ripping off an emotional band-aid as slowly as possible. If we all accepted our gifts and refused to be strayed from that path, each and every one of us would benefit. My client's ability to cut through BS, for example, would teach us to stop using it as a tool. We all could use a little less BS in the world, couldn't we?
I'm not sure how Vanzant came up with four, but I'll go with it - four is a pretty powerful number (think squares).
Four things God told me to do:
1. Teach people there is a better way, that struggle is not necessary.
2. Lead a life of health and honor.
3. Go forth into the world with a vision and illuminate that vision with his love.
4. Find solutions to the prickly problems that catch people up and distract them from their paths.
Now, if only I could learn those lessons myself!
I once worked with a woman who had struggled against her gift her whole life. It made her very unpopular, she said, even with her family.
What was it?
This woman could cut through BS like no one on the planet. There was no duping her at all. Easy to see how she made people uncomfortable, isn't it? But when we think more globally, people like her are important for society. When we live in our illusions we think we are "greasing the wheels" and making life easier for everyone.
What we are really doing, however, is drawing out an already painful process. Kind of like ripping off an emotional band-aid as slowly as possible. If we all accepted our gifts and refused to be strayed from that path, each and every one of us would benefit. My client's ability to cut through BS, for example, would teach us to stop using it as a tool. We all could use a little less BS in the world, couldn't we?
I'm not sure how Vanzant came up with four, but I'll go with it - four is a pretty powerful number (think squares).
Four things God told me to do:
1. Teach people there is a better way, that struggle is not necessary.
2. Lead a life of health and honor.
3. Go forth into the world with a vision and illuminate that vision with his love.
4. Find solutions to the prickly problems that catch people up and distract them from their paths.
Now, if only I could learn those lessons myself!
Fear factor or T-shirts and dreams
Whereas some people spend their asleep hours in places from their pasts or in peaceful dreamy activity, I have recurring dreams about espionage. I am the center of some big, dangerous operation that certainly threatens my life and usually all of the people with me.
Last night, I helped retrieve dead bodies from a sketchy prison by climbing through a very Alcatraz/run-down Russian gulag kind of place. Sometimes we were saving a real person, sometimes retrieving the bodies of the honored fallen. Then swoosh! I am in my hometown in a whomping willow-like car chase with my brother's friends, trying to navigate crazy streets. Both times we managed to outrun our potential captors. Phew! No wonder I wake up tired!
Is this all the result of the many, many murder-mysteries I read? Like Robert Parker, Diane Mott Davidson, Katherine Hall Page, Anne Perry, Elizabeth Peters, etc.? (In case you needed some reading ideas.)
Maaaay-be.
But since I was given a dream interpretation book for Christmas and since these dreams are so recurrent, I decided to look them up. Nope, no listing for espionage. Or bodies. There was prison, but it was about being in a prison, bot orchestrating a body break-out. There was also escape and that is where I got in trouble.
The entry for escape is basically one big chastising. If you dream of escaping, you are trying to escape your fears, says Mr. Dream Expert. Who, me? As if I would ever do such a thing (she said in her most innocent, little red robin hood voice.)
Dammit. Even my dreams are calling me on the carpet.
So, what ARE these Fears which I cannot face?
Let's brainstorm, shall we? (If I'm really that unwilling to face them will they come out in a list?)
1. I may have to live the rest of my life without sugar (chocolate)
2. Rejection. Being accepted and loved by well, everyone, is very important to me (says She Who Will Not Ruffle Feathers)
3. Nope, I think #2 is about it.
4. I may never get married
5. I may never be a mother to a child (my horse and kitties don't really qualify)
6. I will never accept my gifts and pass them on
7. I won't ever be able to put on paper what I need to say
8. If I ever do get it on paper, no one will publish or read it
9. I will alienate my family and friends in the process of releasing all this
10. I am a hypocrite, preaching honesty and truth while hiding behind a pleasant smile and chewing on anger and doubt
11. If I ever unlock my voice and start talking I will look like a fool
12. That I will never get through all these fears and let go of it already.
[Note: There is a woman in front of me wearing a shirt that says "His Word is in my heart like a burning fire, shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in, indeed I cannot." Jeremiah 20:9]
For real. There it is, printed on a green tie-dyed T-shirt. That about sums it up. It is starting to hurt to hold whatever is in there in. I need to finish Iyanla Vanzant's book.
Last night, I helped retrieve dead bodies from a sketchy prison by climbing through a very Alcatraz/run-down Russian gulag kind of place. Sometimes we were saving a real person, sometimes retrieving the bodies of the honored fallen. Then swoosh! I am in my hometown in a whomping willow-like car chase with my brother's friends, trying to navigate crazy streets. Both times we managed to outrun our potential captors. Phew! No wonder I wake up tired!
Is this all the result of the many, many murder-mysteries I read? Like Robert Parker, Diane Mott Davidson, Katherine Hall Page, Anne Perry, Elizabeth Peters, etc.? (In case you needed some reading ideas.)
Maaaay-be.
But since I was given a dream interpretation book for Christmas and since these dreams are so recurrent, I decided to look them up. Nope, no listing for espionage. Or bodies. There was prison, but it was about being in a prison, bot orchestrating a body break-out. There was also escape and that is where I got in trouble.
The entry for escape is basically one big chastising. If you dream of escaping, you are trying to escape your fears, says Mr. Dream Expert. Who, me? As if I would ever do such a thing (she said in her most innocent, little red robin hood voice.)
Dammit. Even my dreams are calling me on the carpet.
So, what ARE these Fears which I cannot face?
Let's brainstorm, shall we? (If I'm really that unwilling to face them will they come out in a list?)
1. I may have to live the rest of my life without sugar (chocolate)
2. Rejection. Being accepted and loved by well, everyone, is very important to me (says She Who Will Not Ruffle Feathers)
3. Nope, I think #2 is about it.
4. I may never get married
5. I may never be a mother to a child (my horse and kitties don't really qualify)
6. I will never accept my gifts and pass them on
7. I won't ever be able to put on paper what I need to say
8. If I ever do get it on paper, no one will publish or read it
9. I will alienate my family and friends in the process of releasing all this
10. I am a hypocrite, preaching honesty and truth while hiding behind a pleasant smile and chewing on anger and doubt
11. If I ever unlock my voice and start talking I will look like a fool
12. That I will never get through all these fears and let go of it already.
[Note: There is a woman in front of me wearing a shirt that says "His Word is in my heart like a burning fire, shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in, indeed I cannot." Jeremiah 20:9]
For real. There it is, printed on a green tie-dyed T-shirt. That about sums it up. It is starting to hurt to hold whatever is in there in. I need to finish Iyanla Vanzant's book.
Sunday, January 7, 2007
laaaaay zeee
Well, we've certainly observed the Sabbath today! It is 5 pm and I am still in my pajamas! My great cleaning plans were stymied by a broken vaccuum cleaner (in my defense, I was extra-productive yesterday). So it's still cat hair city around here.
In other news, I did in fact *give* the money to my friend and it is all working out swimmingly. She is much relieved and happy and that makes me feel good. Yesterday was spent getting organized and then we had a very nice dinner with friends.
It was a Wyoming-style dinner party - we knew the hosts, but not the other couple who came (though they live two houses down). We were there until 11! It was very nice to just sit around and visit with people. Among the dinner table conversation was ethanol, jewish tradition, and a born-again commune in Waco, Texas. Also rebuilding a CCC bridge near Gannett Peak. We also touched on global warming. It was very relaxed and nice.
In other news, I did in fact *give* the money to my friend and it is all working out swimmingly. She is much relieved and happy and that makes me feel good. Yesterday was spent getting organized and then we had a very nice dinner with friends.
It was a Wyoming-style dinner party - we knew the hosts, but not the other couple who came (though they live two houses down). We were there until 11! It was very nice to just sit around and visit with people. Among the dinner table conversation was ethanol, jewish tradition, and a born-again commune in Waco, Texas. Also rebuilding a CCC bridge near Gannett Peak. We also touched on global warming. It was very relaxed and nice.
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
wonderment
So I realized my theme for this blog was to be all the things I wonder about in a day and I've yet to write about one. But nope, this isn't when I start, either.
Also while home in Maine I met with a woman who really made an impression on me. She is not only heartily down to earth (the friend who recommended her said she was more believable with all the four-letter words) and real, she is an inspiration for me.
Courageous. Determined. Imperfect, but doing it already.
"It" is tuning in to all the Divine guidance available to us. It's hard when we are so hell-bent on not listening, so people like this woman do a great service to them and us. I know in my bones I am one of those here to help other people listen better to their own inner guidance, but I've yet to find a way to do it. Scratch that. I've yet to find a way I feel comfortable with, which is very different, isn't it?
Anyway, she told me to get my rear in gear and start writing my book already. Which I've heard a few million times before. But this time it was more defined - with subject clarity and phrased in such a way that I know I cannot wait for lightning to strike. I have this great image of her all scrunched up showing me what it takes to get it done. So, in sum, I am psychically and energetically constipated.
Spiritual laxative anyone?
But seriously, I have a lot inside I need to get out and beyond that, some I just need to share. Duty-bound to do so, even. Like St. Theresa's prayer and 1st Peter 4:10. We have gifts and are here to use them and make the world a better place.
And yes, I watched Pollyanna about 6,917 times.
I still love it.
Also while home in Maine I met with a woman who really made an impression on me. She is not only heartily down to earth (the friend who recommended her said she was more believable with all the four-letter words) and real, she is an inspiration for me.
Courageous. Determined. Imperfect, but doing it already.
"It" is tuning in to all the Divine guidance available to us. It's hard when we are so hell-bent on not listening, so people like this woman do a great service to them and us. I know in my bones I am one of those here to help other people listen better to their own inner guidance, but I've yet to find a way to do it. Scratch that. I've yet to find a way I feel comfortable with, which is very different, isn't it?
Anyway, she told me to get my rear in gear and start writing my book already. Which I've heard a few million times before. But this time it was more defined - with subject clarity and phrased in such a way that I know I cannot wait for lightning to strike. I have this great image of her all scrunched up showing me what it takes to get it done. So, in sum, I am psychically and energetically constipated.
Spiritual laxative anyone?
But seriously, I have a lot inside I need to get out and beyond that, some I just need to share. Duty-bound to do so, even. Like St. Theresa's prayer and 1st Peter 4:10. We have gifts and are here to use them and make the world a better place.
And yes, I watched Pollyanna about 6,917 times.
I still love it.
St. Theresa's prayer
May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you....
May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of you.
Saint Theresa is known as the Saint of the Little Ways. Meaning she believed in doing the little things in life well and with great love She is also the patron Saint of flower growers and florists. She is represented by roses.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you....
May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of you.
Saint Theresa is known as the Saint of the Little Ways. Meaning she believed in doing the little things in life well and with great love She is also the patron Saint of flower growers and florists. She is represented by roses.
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