Shifting gears

It is funny; every time I am undergoing a significant shift I imagine I am on a lonely journey through to my personal highest self. Then - without fail - I get a newsletter email from Sarah Winslow outlining how just about every client she has is undergoing the same shift. Amazing.

The shift this week is about transitioning from being OK with authenticity to building strength. Of course, I am not done with authenticity yet. This seems to work more like dominoes where one lays atop the other than checkers where you get to move to a whole new square with each move.

Only 8 more pounds until goal #1 is met. I'm considering it my reward challenge. On the reward table are a party, new haircut and a giant bouquet of flowers. I'm giving myself until May 15 to hit the bell. Forty-two pounds down. Eight more to go (for now).

There are many more to go, of course, but we have to focus on the small triumphs. In fact, I'm trying even harder to focus on those eight pounds ever since hearing that someone I know who wore the same size I did has already dropped to 170. I am still at 227.

Harrumph.

This jealousy has me flummoxed, though; it is as though I have cornered the market on weight loss success and anyone else's success somehow subtracts from mine. My, my, we have a long way to go, don't we, self?

Skinnier and skinnier

Eat local? Or is that loco?

I just finished "Plenty," by Alisa Smith and JB McKinnon, who created the 100-mile diet concept. I didn't know this when I found the book, but found it because it was mentioned as similar to Animal Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver, which got me all fired up last year.

We feel a bit more prepared to garden this year, though the idea of eating locally is daunting. Especially since local will have to stretch to 200 miles at least. Maybe 500. That would get us to Salt Lake and Denver, where we might have some luck. But how often will we realistically make it there?

Also, all that traveling to get food takes away from time growing things here in our own garden. A dilemma.

So far, the plan includes wheat grown here on the ranch (though we don't yet know how we'll grind it), cheese from Star Valley cheese, veggies from local growers (soon!)and our own harvest, fruit from Lander orchards and Rasberry Delight farms, wine from the Irvin winery on Webbwood Road, eggs from our chickens and meat from here on the ranch.

Me: "You'll have to go fishing."
Him: "No, I'll have to go catching."

Facebook, or the past relived

This is me just days before graduating from high school, 16 years ago. If I wasn't then, I was close to reaching my all-time high weight, 332 pounds. At five-foot, seven inches tall, that is five pounds for every inch or 60 pounds for every foot. That would be like a 12"-long baby weighing SIXTY pounds. This picture lasted for at least another three more years, until my junior year of college.

Memories. Thanks, facebook.

The courage to relate

I feel different and need to remember that the red numbers on the scale are not validation. Those less easy to measure feelings are the mile markers. My limbs move more freely, more like tentacles than stumps. Food is nourishment, not solace. When my husband hugs me, it is my core he is touching instead of my shell.

It is as though as this season switches from winter hibernation to the rush to life that is Spring I, too, am awakened. I am very aware of my root; instead of maintaining a solid barricade there I now remind myself to stoke fires and keep energy moving.

This is the Source; connecting to it bridges me and my life to all that I eat, experience and love. It is engagement and exchange. Finally I taste the courage of relationship.

The edge of the plateau

The weight-loss drought is over! After months of nearly nothing, I've dropped five pounds THIS WEEK. Finally!!

Which is nice, especially combined with the shocked look on the faces of friends I hadn't seen in a while yesterday. They weren't just pleasantly surprised, they were dumbfounded. It feels great!

weight: 229.5 (40 pounds down since September 7, 2009. 5 pounds since March 31, 2010)