Dancing around the room

This is my second semester of dance aerobics and I'm loving it! I nearly opted out this time since class is in the middle of the workday, but I'm glad I let my arm be twisted. An hour of fun, of playtime injected into a day full of reports and meetings is a great idea.

It takes me back a bit to college when on the rare occasions I had my dorm room to myself I was known to crank up the old radio and dance around the square inch of floor space. In those days it was Garth Brooks and Guns and Roses.

Yesterday, Jack came back from choring to find me in the midst of my Choco Choco routine. Just having a bit of fun. :) These are a few of the songs we've used in my classes. The rest I either can't remember or can't find links for. I had never heard any of them before aerobics. I'm missing out!

Cooler than me (Mike Posner)
Choco Choco (
Prrum (Cosculluela)
Single ladies (Beyonce)
Waka waka (Shakira)
Mercy (Duffy)
Let's Get Loud (Jennifer Lopez)
Don't stop movin (Living Joy)
Fire burning on the dance floor (Sean Kingston)
Cupid Shuffle (Cupid)
Love Like Woe

We no speak Americano:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jrXw97egoM

Chocolate by Soul control: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZhOD_wadyc

Boom boom pow by black eyed peas: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4m48GqaOz90

Say hey (I love you) by Michael Franti: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KSMG8mCzN8

DJ Got Us Falling In Love Again by - Usher ft. Pitbull -:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBhj-Tv4WHI

Baby by Justin Bieber: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kffacxfA7G4

Despicable Me Theme Song - Pharrell Williams: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axbUCR1nKRA

Of course, most of the rest of the songs are Zumba routines, few of which I understand but are very fun nonetheless. Here's a couple:
Los Campeones De La Salsa
Pa la discoteka a bailar

 

The whole playlist from youtube:

Gaining to lose

There is that saying that you have to lose something to gain something. Sacrifice is required. You must spend money to make money. It seems this applies in weight loss as well.

This semester I began with dance aerobics/Zumba twice per week. I felt great during the week but missed it tremendously between Thursday and Tuesday. A friend at work had been doing weight training last semester and offered to help me get started. So Monday and Wednesday is 10 minutes of cardio warm-up, 20-30 minutes of circuit training on various machines and 100 situps on the balance ball.

Last Saturday I added the newest element, horseback riding lessons. I rode long enough to bruise my inner thighs and ignite my enthusiasm.

A man I work with greeted me the other day by saying I needed to stop losing weight. It's true; I feel amazing and even "svelte," as another friend calls me. That is, until I ask my body to really do things, to truly engage. I walked over the weekend for 2 or 3 miles up and down some small hills but I had to stop a couple of times. Of course the same walk a year or two ago would have been as stop-start as a teenager in a stick shift. Back then I was proud of myself just for trying. But now it annoys me.

My expectations have risen. I expect to be able to do things.  I plan to hike Mt. Katahdin this fall and that will be an elevation gain of 3,000-4,000 feet in 7 miles or so and this will be up and back in one day.

After my lesson on Saturday I realized I have been on a plateau not only of weight loss, but of effort in general. I was complacent, happy with where I was. Well, I've enjoyed it and now it is time to climb the next set of stairs.

There are new muscles in there. I can feel them. They are tight and sore. The scale agrees. Instead of losing weight, I'm gaining. But my body feels good. I can feel the minute changes under the skin. All in all, I'm willing to gain. That muscle will do double-duty for me and best of all, I'll be able to do things!

Butterflies

I am excited to see the bruises emerge. Just like I am excited to see the veins pop and the bones protrude.

These things remind me that I am. That this being is a body.

Nine or ten years ago, during one of my stays at Bev's, she told me I needed to be human, to embrace the human experience. This infuriated me. Absolutely sent me over the edge into a full-on temper tantrum.

I did not have to be human. I was above that. I could rise above the base emotions, I had no need to experience anger, passion or to become so excited I risked being hurt. I understood it, I could explain it. I did not need to feel it.

And now, lo these many years later I am feeling it. And enjoying it. Finally I understand that being human isn't about descending into a mired pit but opening to the expanse. I am nearly to the place where I can imagine running just for fun. To feel the wind, the rush, to push your heart into being so very alive.

Which begs the question, if I am now alive, what was I then? No secret, really. A sketch. A draft. After 30 years I have begun to press firmly on the lines. Some small ones may actually be inked in. And now I see the artist reaching for the ink. To color me into something bright, something to draw your attention. Someone to tell a story.

It is as though I have protected myself like coated paper. Instead of accepting who I am and embracing it I've maintained the veneer of a dry erase board, never committing to anything. 

Yesterday I took my first English riding lesson in Wyoming. The saddle, the horse, the trainer, the barn - it was all perfect. I have the rush of inspiration fluttering my focus away.

The next step is to swallow, square my shoulders and 'gird my loins' as they say. Fear keeps the butterflies from landing. Without it, inspiration would lead to action and I would have done something already.

Maybe all I can ask is baby steps. For the fluttering to last for a shorter time. To prevent those instances when they were never allowed to land and simply flew away.

Inspiration. Creativity. Discipline. Courage. Action. A recipe for being human. Anyone know where I can buy some of the ingredients?


Know thyself!  A maxim as pernicious as it is ugly.  Whoever observes himself arrests his own development.  A caterpillar who wanted to know itself well would never become a butterfly.  ~Andre Gide

On becoming lithe. With a little lathe here and there.

First, let me say I ate enough for a family of four for dinner last night. I was starving. When I get like this, watch out. Jack is a mere nibbler compared to my ravenous self. In my defense, or at least by way of explanation, I had eaten only an apple, a banana and some almonds during the day, which included an hour of high-impact aerobics (and eight hours of sitting at a desk, but still).

Anyway, in other news I feel great. Zumba is so much fun (I love that my mother discovered it before I did) and a friend has been taking me to the college fitness center twice a week, too. I have high hopes of starting riding lessons this weekend and I expect will fully kick my butt.

Again I wish someone had told me about exercise. About the mental flush. For Valentine's Day I got an espresso machine and have been indulging frequently. I learned my limit yesterday, however, when I arrived at work in a trash can and commenced to grouch for the next five hours. Until aerobics. Suddenly the world was livable again, the people in it compatriots instead of nuisances.

I am still so aware of crossing the threshold during exercise, the one I used to avoid so carefully. The one of true exertion, of fully inhabiting the body and manipulating it. The sense of power is palpable; I am consistently surprised at how much more balance this brings to my life. For 33 years my brain was in charge. I like putting it in the backseat - or even the trunk - once in a while.

Unfortunately, I have spent most of those 30 years completely understanding this and yet completely unable to do anything about it. I hate reading about the epiphanies people have about themselves and the empowering effects of getting healthy without a frank discussion about how they broke through the veil of paralysis.

For me, the paralysis was about fear. I have spent 10 years working on letting go of many generations worth of fear and becoming more empowered through energy balancing and other holistic medicine. [My teacher has a new website: http://healthyawakenings.com]

I almost wrote that it gave me my life back, but I'm not sure I ever had it in the first place. It cleared the way for me to have a life at all.

After 10 years of clearing that overgrown landscape it was finally possible to build some fences (aka boundaries) so I stop inviting everyone else's emotions over for long-term stays. Their emotions were keeping me pinned to the couch.

Again, I didn't do it on my own. My friend Annalaiya makes the most potent custom flower-essences blends I've ever known. My husband is as much a new man as a I am a new woman thanks to her and her blends.

These things set the stage for the naturopath to come in and clear some rocks from the ground and hoe some rows for successful growth. He worked on the chemistry and biology of my digestion and made it possible for me to have a whole new relationship with food.

The things I had been eating, the things I relied on for emotional sustenance (physical sustenance was never a question; I was in my thirties before I ever felt hunger) - these things were also keeping me pinned to the couch. Sugar, starches, more sugar. Sugar and fat. My best friends. They were actually gang members conspiring to do little more than make sure I stuck with them.

Removing some key things from my diet (sugar, gluten, dairy), adding a few supplements and including some alternative therapies carried me over the threshold to my new home. A place with a fireplace that burns in my lower chakra (though I have to remember to stoke it). It needs work - a lot of work - but at least there is a structure. I am so immensely grateful for all the people I've been led to along this journey and wish the same for everyone.

May we all accept the teachings offered us in a perfect manner according to the Divine plan. Amen.