Tuesday, October 9, 2012

His and Hers: Breakfast

L: Hash browns, sausage & fried farm eggs
R: Cantelope, cucumber, flax seed


Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Radical Becoming


Blowing up beaver dams

Disempowerment leaves gaping holes. Ego restores balance by swooping in to fill the holes with beaver dam blockages, controlling the flow.

Blow up the dams, restore power and feel the energy flow.

We are meant to be Cities of Light, not the child with a finger in the levee. Electricians keeping our glow going, that's what we are. Perhaps I should like more about the giant inner power strip than the inner fountain of living water.

In fact, all this focus on water may have helped as much as the beaver dam, given how well water and electricity get along.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Speed bump

I may have been  driving too fast. Suddenly the road doesn't seem as smooth. It is curvy, dusty, pitted and I have to slow the heck down.

Except I don't want to. I want to be girl wonder catapulting my way to greatness. I knew this was coming, this stage of effort and mistakes and learning by doing. But I am slowed. I am less. I feel a disappointment.

Monday, May 28, 2012

One Powerful Breath

<p>&lt;p&gt;A few years ago I began going to church, mostly because I decided I should. There was no passion behind it, nor a sense of it as a path to being of service to my community. &lt;/p&gt;<br>
&lt;p&gt;I chose the church where a man I knew from work was the pastor. He was a tremendous example of a living Christian, but not a fiery preacher. One day they held a joint service with another church and their pastor conducted the sermon. &lt;/p&gt;<br>
&lt;p&gt;I don't remember the&amp;#160; point, but his message opened my eyes to the holy spirit. Like so many paths to religion, it confirmed what I felt and therefore drew me in. </p>
<p>The internal voice, the one speaking not from my head or even my heart, but from deep inside my bones - it was the Holy Spirit! For years, from the time I learned to listen, I'd been hearing it resonate from every cell. The voice of my DNA was the Holy Spirit. </p>
<p>For me, this revelation has guided most, if not all, decisions I've made. To find out the Holy Spirit has it's own holiday! I got all excited. Next year I'm having a bug Pentecost party. Christmas, Easter, yeah, they're great, but I can't wait to start my own traditions in celebration of the Holy Spirit.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Becoming

Tabula rasa. It all starts now. What do I value? What do I enjoy? How do I wish to be remembered?
Kindness
Part of the solution
Inspirational
Appreciative
Reflective
Accepting
What are my commandments? Gretchen Rubin made up her own. What do I hear God wanting me to do?
1. Be part of the solution.
2. Do what needs to be done.
3. It's not about me.
4. Use your word for good.
5. Assumptions lead to trouble.
6. My best is good enough.
7. Act from, in, and with love - always.
8. Hear more than you speak.
9. Go slow.
10. Live from the inside out.
11. Let go and let God.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Taking a turn

I'm not sure I can fully express the drama that has been the past few months. In earthly terms we bought a house and I got a major promotion  (in the same week). All great, but these don't speak to the true issue. In a nutshell, I reached the destination I've been focused on for over ten years and have started down a new path.

Ten years is a LONG time. If I were truthful, I'd say it was much longer but ten years is probably the amount of time I've spent productively making progress toward my goal. The goal? Authenticity. Self-actualization. To live in my own skin and actively engage in my life.

Here I am. My body, relationships and work are all proof. My efforts at peeling off the layers of fear and other miscellaneous emotions blocking access to a unified self have borne fruit. I have access to my core being now. I am inside what people see on the outside.

I need to pause there. I am inside what people see on the outside. This is a revelation. A little depressing, too, since what people see isn't perfect, but mostly it is a triumph. When people comment on how good I look I know it has nothing to do with my shape or my clothes. My whole being is expanded. I exude an energy I once longed for and envied in others.

It has taken so.much.effort. Let me tell you. This has been the central focus of my existence ever since I realized it could happen. When I met people who had done it, who had gone from being a disconnected shell of a person to a fully engaged self, I did everything it took. I read books. I sought help. I explored my inner being. I meditated, wrote, and made friends with my arch enemy, exercise (really, the arch enemy was empowerment, which exercise brings).

I inflated. I invited chi into every cell of my body. I made peace with my spirit and opened myself to be a channel of good energy. To be a vessel for all that is Divine. To feel the flow of goodness, of joy, of happiness and hope, and to bring it to those around me. 

It has been a tremendous journey. I have the passion of the converted now, and that galvanizes me for the next hill. How can I ensure each and every person understands that this is possible? That who they think they are is only a shadow of what is is within? To help people glimpse the perfection of their true selves and help them down a path to getting there?

Right now, the answer is education. Administration. Of eliminating systematic barriers to that fruition. I think I may need to spend a little more time reflecting, though. I've tried to skip completely into this new path but it isn't working. It isn't who I am - yet. I need to sit a little longer and gel. Let this new truth settle into my bones. Fully appreciate the journey and perhaps spend time documenting it.

I am guilty of going through something and then promptly forgetting the steps of how I got there. I focus so heartily on the destination that it is hard to later describe how it happened. And to truly be a guide for others down the same path (which is apparently the next step for me, since of course I am not done by any means) I will have to be able to intelligently describe my process.

And truly, if I were being totally honest I'd have to say that the real next step is living that engaged life. Being human. Being tempered by relationships. Contributing. Love through action. That's the theme of Cory: Phase II. Phase I was really all just preparation for this new phase, where the rubber hits the road. Can I put all I've learned into action or am I all abstraction and conversation?

Pierre Reverdy wrote, "There is no love, there are only proofs of love." I'm not sure I agree with this entirely since I can absolutely say I've been near people whose love I can feel just sitting nearby. I'd love to be one of these people, but mine is not to sit on a mountaintop and be love. Mine is to act. I can feel the drive build inside me. I've been given the gift of new friends who are wonderful models of spirit-driven action. And, of course, I know I'm on the right path since I can also feel the fear that always comes (I've learned) when we're going toward that which is right. Being true to our highest selves is a very scary prospect. So many earthly, ego-driven habits to let go of. So many new, Divine habits to adopt.

But before I start adopting new ones I'm going to sit for a minute and take a breather. Discover what it means to be this new me. I can't quite start up that next hill yet. And admitting this takes a giant load off my psyche. Thank you.

Thursday, February 9, 2012