I'm not sure I can fully express the drama that has been the past few months. In earthly terms we bought a house and I got a major promotion (in the same week). All great, but these don't speak to the true issue. In a nutshell, I reached the destination I've been focused on for over ten years and have started down a new path.
Ten years is a LONG time. If I were truthful, I'd say it was much longer but ten years is probably the amount of time I've spent productively making progress toward my goal. The goal? Authenticity. Self-actualization. To live in my own skin and actively engage in my life.
Here I am. My body, relationships and work are all proof. My efforts at peeling off the layers of fear and other miscellaneous emotions blocking access to a unified self have borne fruit. I have access to my core being now. I am inside what people see on the outside.
I need to pause there. I am inside what people see on the outside. This is a revelation. A little depressing, too, since what people see isn't perfect, but mostly it is a triumph. When people comment on how good I look I know it has nothing to do with my shape or my clothes. My whole being is expanded. I exude an energy I once longed for and envied in others.
It has taken so.much.effort. Let me tell you. This has been the central focus of my existence ever since I realized it could happen. When I met people who had done it, who had gone from being a disconnected shell of a person to a fully engaged self, I did everything it took. I read books. I sought help. I explored my inner being. I meditated, wrote, and made friends with my arch enemy, exercise (really, the arch enemy was empowerment, which exercise brings).
I inflated. I invited chi into every cell of my body. I made peace with my spirit and opened myself to be a channel of good energy. To be a vessel for all that is Divine. To feel the flow of goodness, of joy, of happiness and hope, and to bring it to those around me.
It has been a tremendous journey. I have the passion of the converted now, and that galvanizes me for the next hill. How can I ensure each and every person understands that this is possible? That who they think they are is only a shadow of what is is within? To help people glimpse the perfection of their true selves and help them down a path to getting there?
Right now, the answer is education. Administration. Of eliminating systematic barriers to that fruition. I think I may need to spend a little more time reflecting, though. I've tried to skip completely into this new path but it isn't working. It isn't who I am - yet. I need to sit a little longer and gel. Let this new truth settle into my bones. Fully appreciate the journey and perhaps spend time documenting it.
I am guilty of going through something and then promptly forgetting the steps of how I got there. I focus so heartily on the destination that it is hard to later describe how it happened. And to truly be a guide for others down the same path (which is apparently the next step for me, since of course I am not done by any means) I will have to be able to intelligently describe my process.
And truly, if I were being totally honest I'd have to say that the real next step is living that engaged life. Being human. Being tempered by relationships. Contributing. Love through action. That's the theme of Cory: Phase II. Phase I was really all just preparation for this new phase, where the rubber hits the road. Can I put all I've learned into action or am I all abstraction and conversation?
Pierre Reverdy wrote, "There is no love, there are only proofs of love." I'm not sure I agree with this entirely since I can absolutely say I've been near people whose love I can feel just sitting nearby. I'd love to be one of these people, but mine is not to sit on a mountaintop and be love. Mine is to act. I can feel the drive build inside me. I've been given the gift of new friends who are wonderful models of spirit-driven action. And, of course, I know I'm on the right path since I can also feel the fear that always comes (I've learned) when we're going toward that which is right. Being true to our highest selves is a very scary prospect. So many earthly, ego-driven habits to let go of. So many new, Divine habits to adopt.
But before I start adopting new ones I'm going to sit for a minute and take a breather. Discover what it means to be this new me. I can't quite start up that next hill yet. And admitting this takes a giant load off my psyche. Thank you.
Ten years is a LONG time. If I were truthful, I'd say it was much longer but ten years is probably the amount of time I've spent productively making progress toward my goal. The goal? Authenticity. Self-actualization. To live in my own skin and actively engage in my life.
Here I am. My body, relationships and work are all proof. My efforts at peeling off the layers of fear and other miscellaneous emotions blocking access to a unified self have borne fruit. I have access to my core being now. I am inside what people see on the outside.
I need to pause there. I am inside what people see on the outside. This is a revelation. A little depressing, too, since what people see isn't perfect, but mostly it is a triumph. When people comment on how good I look I know it has nothing to do with my shape or my clothes. My whole being is expanded. I exude an energy I once longed for and envied in others.
It has taken so.much.effort. Let me tell you. This has been the central focus of my existence ever since I realized it could happen. When I met people who had done it, who had gone from being a disconnected shell of a person to a fully engaged self, I did everything it took. I read books. I sought help. I explored my inner being. I meditated, wrote, and made friends with my arch enemy, exercise (really, the arch enemy was empowerment, which exercise brings).
I inflated. I invited chi into every cell of my body. I made peace with my spirit and opened myself to be a channel of good energy. To be a vessel for all that is Divine. To feel the flow of goodness, of joy, of happiness and hope, and to bring it to those around me.
It has been a tremendous journey. I have the passion of the converted now, and that galvanizes me for the next hill. How can I ensure each and every person understands that this is possible? That who they think they are is only a shadow of what is is within? To help people glimpse the perfection of their true selves and help them down a path to getting there?
Right now, the answer is education. Administration. Of eliminating systematic barriers to that fruition. I think I may need to spend a little more time reflecting, though. I've tried to skip completely into this new path but it isn't working. It isn't who I am - yet. I need to sit a little longer and gel. Let this new truth settle into my bones. Fully appreciate the journey and perhaps spend time documenting it.
I am guilty of going through something and then promptly forgetting the steps of how I got there. I focus so heartily on the destination that it is hard to later describe how it happened. And to truly be a guide for others down the same path (which is apparently the next step for me, since of course I am not done by any means) I will have to be able to intelligently describe my process.
And truly, if I were being totally honest I'd have to say that the real next step is living that engaged life. Being human. Being tempered by relationships. Contributing. Love through action. That's the theme of Cory: Phase II. Phase I was really all just preparation for this new phase, where the rubber hits the road. Can I put all I've learned into action or am I all abstraction and conversation?
Pierre Reverdy wrote, "There is no love, there are only proofs of love." I'm not sure I agree with this entirely since I can absolutely say I've been near people whose love I can feel just sitting nearby. I'd love to be one of these people, but mine is not to sit on a mountaintop and be love. Mine is to act. I can feel the drive build inside me. I've been given the gift of new friends who are wonderful models of spirit-driven action. And, of course, I know I'm on the right path since I can also feel the fear that always comes (I've learned) when we're going toward that which is right. Being true to our highest selves is a very scary prospect. So many earthly, ego-driven habits to let go of. So many new, Divine habits to adopt.
But before I start adopting new ones I'm going to sit for a minute and take a breather. Discover what it means to be this new me. I can't quite start up that next hill yet. And admitting this takes a giant load off my psyche. Thank you.
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